Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
