im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize