It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
