Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm always down for nudity.
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