She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize