i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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