I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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