he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
