the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
