Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
