Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
