You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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