why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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