you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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