I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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