just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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