At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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