She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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