im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
