i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
