Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
