Will you blow on my dice?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
