Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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