So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
