am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
