I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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