if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
