4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
