Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
