nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
