Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
