There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
