My room smells like vodka and shame
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
