i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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