After last night, I could never be a politician.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize