The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
