No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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