Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
