Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
