There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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