I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
there is puke in my bra ... again
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
