I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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