Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
