Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
