I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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