What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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