Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
