Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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