Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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