Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
