Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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