i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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