I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
