I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
