Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
