Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
