He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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