My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He shit in the fireplace
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
