so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
