Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
