Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
