Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
