The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
