Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
