There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
