literally had 100 drinks last night.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
