guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
handjob tips. give me some.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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