Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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