I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
