she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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