I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
