I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize