i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
