walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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